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Have you ever worn a mask for so long
That you're afraid to take it off,
And breathe in the purity
Of the unfiltered world outside?
Would your lungs be able to take it?
Or burst trying?

Have you ever worn a mask for so long
That you're afraid to take it off
Because no one might recognize you?
Would you recognize yourself?

Have you ever worn a mask for so long
That you're afraid to take it off,
Because you don't know anymore
If there's anything underneath?
For everything I say, there are about a thousand more things I want to say.

EDIT: Whoa, thanks everyone out there for the faves! Glad you liked it!I have some other poems like this and will continue writing poetry :)

---

:bulletwhite: What do you like/dislike about this piece?
:bulletwhite: I'm having some issues with "purity" in line 3. Do you get what I'm saying with that? I would appreciate suggestions on how to revise that for a clearer understanding.
:bulletwhite: Do you think that repeating the first line in each stanza is beneficial to the piece?
:bulletwhite: I feel that the end is lacking somewhat. Do you think that a last final line could be added to better anchor the piece as a whole? If so, do you have any suggestions?
:bulletwhite: Be honest. I write a lot of teenage, angst-driven garbage. Does this piece escape that label?

---

You know what you should do?
Go check out Totems and Godhood [link] by =AzizrianDaoXrak. I offered a critique of the beautiful piece here [link] which I challenge you to evaluate.
And also visit :iconthewrittenrevolution:
'kay?
Add a Comment:
 
:iconbatmanwithbunnyears:
BatmanWithBunnyEars Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2013   General Artist
The premise reminds me of Dollface's story line in Twisted Metal Black for Playstation 2. I can relate, because I used to feign happiness, (sort of like a "smile mask"), and nobody knew who I really was or how I really felt. But they liked the artificially cheerful me - the character I created. It makes you think, doesn't it?
Reply
:iconabandonedambition:
AbandonedAmbition Featured By Owner Jun 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
A lot of people feign happiness so it seems. People don't want to care, don't want to expend energy in the form of sympathy.

It does.

And thanks so much for the fave! It means a lot coming from you.
Reply
:icondarkcloudassasin:
DarkCloudAssasin Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2013  Student Writer
I like this piece a lot :) it speaks out to those who understand what it means to wear a mask. It speaks to those who understand pain and wants to keep away from that pain. Hurt them first before they hurt you, and just when you realize it's time to take the mask off, the mask has become you.

That's what I get out of it ^-^ lovely poem, I'm gonna check out your work :blackrose:
Reply
:iconabandonedambition:
AbandonedAmbition Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Extremely accurate interpretation.

Glad you enjoyed it!

Thanks so much! I hope to post some more poetry in the upcoming future if possible.
Reply
:icondarkcloudassasin:
DarkCloudAssasin Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2013  Student Writer
I'm really looking forward to it :)
Reply
:iconchemicalblaze:
ChemicalBlaze Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Angst to me is a very overused word these days, and it never sounds good in your mouth when you say it. Even though it's a word some would reserve for the "sensitive" ones, it's an experience we all share.

This is a great poem overall, very powerful. The several lines say so much more than what's written. Where there's just so much hoopla about putting one on and keeping up a fašade, it's rare for me to see a writer musing about whether to actually remove it. As for your questions, what you're trying to communicate is clear to me, but I think when it comes to the ending you could possibly expand on what *could* be left underneath, unless you want to maintain the mystery.
Reply
:iconabandonedambition:
AbandonedAmbition Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks a lot!

I never considered that...maybe it's what I was looking for, thanks.
Reply
:iconchemicalblaze:
ChemicalBlaze Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Beautiful writing, love. Don't ever stop. :)

:tea:Elle
Reply
:iconsoldierswolf:
SoldiersWolf Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I lived for awhile where I was afraid of getting close to people when I younger. So I can relate. I liked almost everything

Line three some people might say its bland or doesn't ring true to them. Is unfiltered air pure or dirty? Depends on what kind of mind set you have really. Is the air you breath in your mask going to be tainted by the outside or is your air going to taint the air around you. Maybe im thinking to much and over rationalizing things.

I like the repeat of the first line in this case because its like taking deep breaths.

The last line is good and the last stanza with it wraps up your piece quite nicely.

Every one matures at their own pace its's one of those things I've learned to accept as it is. You'll never excape who you are from yourself whether you have a mask or not.
Reply
:iconblackblossomjewelry:
BlackBlossomJewelry Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
I really like how this poem is nice and short. It's not too long and it kept me interested. I think the word "purity" fits in nicely with the piece and its surrounding lines. Although the piece feels unfinished, in my opinion, it does need an "anchor" but I'm not really sure of one. I would like to give some advice on the punctuation, but it isn't really my thing. It's a little confusing because some lines have a period of question mark or comma but others are left blank. I hope this helps!
Reply
:iconjagjag09:
JagJag09 Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
this poem has a good theme that I can relate to :) I think the repetition of the first line really adds to the feel of this being like a string of thought.
With this kind of poem though, I would have used different wording, but that's my opinion. If not minor wording changes throughout the poem, probably the last couple of lines. You meant "breathe" but spelled "breath", but I'm not going to make a big deal out of that.
All in all, I really like this poem; it has a deep message, and I look forward to reading more of your work :) Great job! :D
Reply
:iconabandonedambition:
AbandonedAmbition Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Hey, thanks a lot!

Thanks for catching that error X_X

Glad you like it!
Reply
:iconjagjag09:
JagJag09 Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
no problem :)
Reply
:icontehangelscry:
TehAngelsCry Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Professional Interface Designer
Would your lungs be able to take it,
Or burst trying?

I think maybe these lines would have more impact if they both ended in a question mark. It would help accentuate them more as separate ideas.

What do you like/dislike about this piece?
I love the repetitiveness of the first two lines. Though I feel the second stanza could do with more substance to ensure it doesn't feel too repetitive.

I'm having some issues with "purity" in line 3. Do you get what I'm saying with that? I would appreciate suggestions on how to revise that for a clearer understanding.
I actually like the inclusion of "purity". I feel a comma at the end of the previous line may help with your ideas / the flow.

Do you think that repeating the first line in each stanza is beneficial to the piece?
Oh yes! It really helps the idea get stuck in your head.

I feel that the end is lacking somewhat. Do you think that a last final line could be added to better anchor the piece as a whole? If so, do you have any suggestions?
Maybe some punctuation on the second line of the last stanza would help finalise it all? I take a natural break at the end of the second line, so maybe something visual will help the final idea stand out more?

Be honest. I write a lot of teenage, angst-driven garbage. Does this piece escape that label?
It's still very angsty and teenage like in my opinion.
Reply
:iconabandonedambition:
AbandonedAmbition Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
The punctuation is exactly what those lines needed. It sounds much better to me now, thanks.

I added a line to the second stanza. It's still short, but not shorter than the third, so I feel a bit better about it.

Comma added. That does seem a little bit better.

Hopefully, in time, my writing will naturally evolve into something more mature.

Thank you very much for your review and suggestions.
Reply
:icontehangelscry:
TehAngelsCry Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Professional Interface Designer
I'm glad I could help! x)
I do like the addition to the second stanza, switching the question around like that makes it much more personal to the reader!
Reply
:iconkittysib:
KittySib Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I can relate to this poem whole heartedly. Sometimes, if I feel a certain way, but am expected to act differently, I wonder what would happen if I did what I felt instead of what they want...0.0
Awesome poem!:D
Reply
:iconabandonedambition:
AbandonedAmbition Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Glad I could make a connection!
I don't know what would happen. Most are too afraid to find out.
Thanks a lot!
Reply
:iconkittysib:
KittySib Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:D
Reply
:iconthespitfirespirit:
TheSpitfireSpirit Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is so beautiful and deep. Oddly it makes me think of Michael Myers from John Carpenter's "Halloween"
Reply
:iconbelarosewolf:
BelaRoseWolf Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012  Student Writer
This is an interesting poem. :) It asks real questions, and has the ability to make its readers relate! Amazing work!
Reply
:iconbladebites:
BladeBites Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is just incredible. :heart:
Reply
:iconabandonedambition:
AbandonedAmbition Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much!
Reply
:iconbladebites:
BladeBites Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You're very welcome. ^-^
Reply
:iconstarkpretty:
Starkpretty Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012
I've read a lot of poems recently that deal with this subject, and not one of them has made the impact that this one did. Obviously there are a lot of people who feel or have felt this way, and you've dealt with this in a very mature manner. The last verse is fantastic: it's one of the most frightening problems people face when confronting their mask.

Really good work!!!!
Reply
:iconabandonedambition:
AbandonedAmbition Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks so much! I'll see what I did right and try to do it again.
Reply
:iconstarkpretty:
Starkpretty Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012
No problem! :D I think it had something to do with not being cliched, and just being honest. ;)
Reply
:iconnattkatt1:
nattkatt1 Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012
beautiful. most have worn too many masks during theyr life
Reply
:iconabandonedambition:
AbandonedAmbition Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks!
Perhaps that's true.
Reply
:icondarlingangel0565:
DarlingAngel0565 Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012  Professional Writer
This is an amazing poem and holds truth for me. I can relate to it.
Reply
:iconabandonedambition:
AbandonedAmbition Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Glad I could make a connection!
Reply
:iconkilluaxme:
killuaxme Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012
i love it, it is really good =D
Reply
:iconred-london:
Red-London Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012
All I can tell you is: It's a thing many of us go through. In the US apparently more, but still.
The last thing count's for me. I wore a mask - because I wasn't certain hat's underneath from the start.
Later I realised - there is nothing under it. I have to create a mask, to have a face.
Reply
:iconhalcyal:
Halcyal Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012
Hmm, often the mask masquerades unknowing, or at least long numbed and unlooking. Good, then, that there are occasionally things that can lift up and stand before the mask a mirror. Well done.

Composition-wise, it's pithy, has some sharp phrasing and establishes a solid internal pace (which is too often a rarity in the free-form world). I can't help but feel that it would benefit from something to better anchor it at the end, however, perhaps some punchy, summing reiteration or focusing of the main question. As the poem stands, the three stanzas follow the central theme well, but don't really create any kind of prominent progression; they have roughly parallel conceptual movement, like three passing waves, with little to clearly mark an end, and so the poem just sort of slips off of the edge of the third stanza into empty, slightly expectant space. You certainly don't need to say a thousand more things; the poem speaks well for itself, but finding just one more; something choice to tie off the knot, would really help give the piece a finishing edge.
Reply
:iconabandonedambition:
AbandonedAmbition Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks!

I tried to go for a strange kind of poignant feel to the flow.

I can see what you mean here. It does just sorta...end.

Thanks for the awesome feeedback, I really appreciate it.
Reply
:iconcuttykitty345:
cuttykitty345 Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
Reply
:iconabandonedambition:
AbandonedAmbition Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks!
Reply
:iconspagettimoon:
Spagettimoon Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I absolutely love how you ended this! :clap:
Reply
:iconabandonedambition:
AbandonedAmbition Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks!
Reply
:iconspagettimoon:
Spagettimoon Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
you're welcome :}
Reply
:iconzer0v1rus:
Zer0V1rus Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm not saying this describes me because it doesn't, but I do feel so much emotion coming from these words, I can't help but think of my outlook on life when I read words as such, Thank you. (Also, I hope you don't mind if I were to ever quote your words in the future~)
Reply
:iconabandonedambition:
AbandonedAmbition Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm glad you enjoyed reading this regardless.

I'd be honored if you quoted me :)
Reply
:iconsvitavotara:
Svitavotara Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2012
Reminds me of myself about 3-4 years ago. Beautiful poem and wonderful perspective.
Reply
:iconabandonedambition:
AbandonedAmbition Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks so much!
Reply
:iconmeitanteichaos:
MeitanteiChaos Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2012  Student Writer
XD i feel like this right now. because i tried to take it off, and no, no one recognized me. TT_TT
Reply
:iconabandonedambition:
AbandonedAmbition Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Build a new face from the start :)
Reply
:iconmeitanteichaos:
MeitanteiChaos Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012  Student Writer
that's what i plan on doing. :)
Reply
:iconthunderrblunderr:
thunderrblunderr Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2012
If you wore a mask all the time how would people recognize you after you took it off.
Reply
:iconabandonedambition:
AbandonedAmbition Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
That's precisely my point.
Reply
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