For everything I say, there are about a thousand more things I want to say.
EDIT: Whoa, thanks everyone out there for the faves! Glad you liked it!I have some other poems like this and will continue writing poetry
What do you like/dislike about this piece?
I'm having some issues with "purity" in line 3. Do you get what I'm saying with that? I would appreciate suggestions on how to revise that for a clearer understanding.
Do you think that repeating the first line in each stanza is beneficial to the piece?
I feel that the end is lacking somewhat. Do you think that a last final line could be added to better anchor the piece as a whole? If so, do you have any suggestions?
Be honest. I write a lot of teenage, angst-driven garbage. Does this piece escape that label?
You know what you should do?
Go check out Totems and Godhood [link]
. I offered a critique of the beautiful piece here [link]
which I challenge you to evaluate.
And also visit