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Submitted on
October 1, 2012
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1,263
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122 (who?)
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63
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Have you ever worn a mask for so long
That you're afraid to take it off,
And breathe in the purity
Of the unfiltered world outside?
Would your lungs be able to take it?
Or burst trying?

Have you ever worn a mask for so long
That you're afraid to take it off
Because no one might recognize you?
Would you recognize yourself?

Have you ever worn a mask for so long
That you're afraid to take it off,
Because you don't know anymore
If there's anything underneath?
For everything I say, there are about a thousand more things I want to say.

EDIT: Whoa, thanks everyone out there for the faves! Glad you liked it!I have some other poems like this and will continue writing poetry :)

---

:bulletwhite: What do you like/dislike about this piece?
:bulletwhite: I'm having some issues with "purity" in line 3. Do you get what I'm saying with that? I would appreciate suggestions on how to revise that for a clearer understanding.
:bulletwhite: Do you think that repeating the first line in each stanza is beneficial to the piece?
:bulletwhite: I feel that the end is lacking somewhat. Do you think that a last final line could be added to better anchor the piece as a whole? If so, do you have any suggestions?
:bulletwhite: Be honest. I write a lot of teenage, angst-driven garbage. Does this piece escape that label?

---

You know what you should do?
Go check out Totems and Godhood [link] by =AzizrianDaoXrak. I offered a critique of the beautiful piece here [link] which I challenge you to evaluate.
And also visit :iconthewrittenrevolution:
'kay?
Add a Comment:
 
:iconbatmanwithbunnyears:
BatmanWithBunnyEars Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2013   General Artist
The premise reminds me of Dollface's story line in Twisted Metal Black for Playstation 2. I can relate, because I used to feign happiness, (sort of like a "smile mask"), and nobody knew who I really was or how I really felt. But they liked the artificially cheerful me - the character I created. It makes you think, doesn't it?
Reply
:iconabandonedambition:
AbandonedAmbition Featured By Owner Jun 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
A lot of people feign happiness so it seems. People don't want to care, don't want to expend energy in the form of sympathy.

It does.

And thanks so much for the fave! It means a lot coming from you.
Reply
:icondarkcloudassasin:
DarkCloudAssasin Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2013  Student Writer
I like this piece a lot :) it speaks out to those who understand what it means to wear a mask. It speaks to those who understand pain and wants to keep away from that pain. Hurt them first before they hurt you, and just when you realize it's time to take the mask off, the mask has become you.

That's what I get out of it ^-^ lovely poem, I'm gonna check out your work :blackrose:
Reply
:iconabandonedambition:
AbandonedAmbition Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Extremely accurate interpretation.

Glad you enjoyed it!

Thanks so much! I hope to post some more poetry in the upcoming future if possible.
Reply
:icondarkcloudassasin:
DarkCloudAssasin Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2013  Student Writer
I'm really looking forward to it :)
Reply
:iconchemicalblaze:
ChemicalBlaze Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Angst to me is a very overused word these days, and it never sounds good in your mouth when you say it. Even though it's a word some would reserve for the "sensitive" ones, it's an experience we all share.

This is a great poem overall, very powerful. The several lines say so much more than what's written. Where there's just so much hoopla about putting one on and keeping up a façade, it's rare for me to see a writer musing about whether to actually remove it. As for your questions, what you're trying to communicate is clear to me, but I think when it comes to the ending you could possibly expand on what *could* be left underneath, unless you want to maintain the mystery.
Reply
:iconabandonedambition:
AbandonedAmbition Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks a lot!

I never considered that...maybe it's what I was looking for, thanks.
Reply
:iconchemicalblaze:
ChemicalBlaze Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Beautiful writing, love. Don't ever stop. :)

:tea:Elle
Reply
:iconsoldierswolf:
SoldiersWolf Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I lived for awhile where I was afraid of getting close to people when I younger. So I can relate. I liked almost everything

Line three some people might say its bland or doesn't ring true to them. Is unfiltered air pure or dirty? Depends on what kind of mind set you have really. Is the air you breath in your mask going to be tainted by the outside or is your air going to taint the air around you. Maybe im thinking to much and over rationalizing things.

I like the repeat of the first line in this case because its like taking deep breaths.

The last line is good and the last stanza with it wraps up your piece quite nicely.

Every one matures at their own pace its's one of those things I've learned to accept as it is. You'll never excape who you are from yourself whether you have a mask or not.
Reply
:iconblackblossomjewelry:
BlackBlossomJewelry Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
I really like how this poem is nice and short. It's not too long and it kept me interested. I think the word "purity" fits in nicely with the piece and its surrounding lines. Although the piece feels unfinished, in my opinion, it does need an "anchor" but I'm not really sure of one. I would like to give some advice on the punctuation, but it isn't really my thing. It's a little confusing because some lines have a period of question mark or comma but others are left blank. I hope this helps!
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