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August 26, 2012
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It feels as if I'm going nowhere,
Which isn't right because
I feel the caustic caress
Of lactic acid in my legs
And I see the grit of the ground
Pass beneath my cracked and bleeding fingers,
But when I look up,
Things I thought I could touch
Are silhouettes in the distance

Perhaps I've been alone in the dark
Pushing a carousel 'round and 'round
This heavy machine
Filled with my dreams,
Weighing it down
And I've been wasting my time
On broken promises

I march and I march
Like there's a gun to my back,
But still,
Clouds look like comets
And people become blurs

Perhaps I've been sitting in the dark
Pushing a carousel 'round and 'round
And I've been wasting my time:
Going nowhere fast,
And I have to think
It would just be easier
To drop face down in the dirt
And let my heavy, heavy dreams on top
Rot.
:iconabandonedambition:
A bit of trivia: the first few lines came to me while surfing, but the meaning changed since then.
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:iconsigma-echo-seven:
~Sigma-Echo-Seven Sep 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
A highly interesting conceit! Fresh imagery, as well.
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:iconabandonedambition:
~AbandonedAmbition Sep 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks! But certainly not conceited, right?
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:iconsigma-echo-seven:
~Sigma-Echo-Seven Sep 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Right, not conceited (arrogant) but a conceit (extended metaphor).
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:iconabandonedambition:
~AbandonedAmbition Sep 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Haha I'm aware. Just a crude attempt at wordplay.
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:iconsigma-echo-seven:
~Sigma-Echo-Seven Sep 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:)
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:iconmr-timeshadow:
I enjoyed this up until the last line, which felt a little awkward to me. I read it a few times, but that didn't change.
The rest was excellent! I loved the unique lines like, "I feel the caustic caress / of lactic acid in my legs"! What a wonderfully poetic way to say, "Dude! My legs hurt!" ;) That's what makes a true poet; the ability to say even the most mundane thing -- not saying you did, but still -- in an eye-opening style.
The subject matter felt a little like Walt Kelly's baseball poem Slide Rule for Infinity: [link] . Thanks for sharing!
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:iconabandonedambition:
~AbandonedAmbition Aug 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Glad you enjoyed (at least some part of) this piece :)
I can definitely see how one would interpret that line as awkward...

Thanks, I was kinda worried that line wouldn't get through to some (well I knew you'd make the connection with the lactic acid, science-y bit.)

I guess that is a component of poetry. It seems I'm moving in the right direction :D

I can certainly draw some parallels to Walt Kelly's poem.

Thanks for offering your thoughts.
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:iconmr-timeshadow:
I'd say "Most of" the piece, but yeah -- I did.
You actually thought, "well, King Nutter will glom on..."? ;) You guessed right...
You read a lot of Kelly? Besides that one? He was a hoot!
Oh, and you're welcome!
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:iconstephsin2kh:
~stephsin2kh Aug 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow, deep.... I like the emotion and the imagery, and the way the lines fit together is.. amazing... If I could, I'd slap this on the front page right now!
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:iconabandonedambition:
~AbandonedAmbition Aug 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Haha thanks. Glad you enjoyed this piece.
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